L'Amour Anonymous

August 12, 2008
By Thalia Harris, Maplewood, NJ

L'Amour Anonymous

“My name is **** and I'm a L'Amour addict
I'll be one month cold come this October passing
I took L'Amour so much, my heart started to hurt
And inappropriate thoughts overtook me at work

I was messing with this dealer for a good eight
Months to be exact, I was sure it was fate
We were going to different schools, so there was no way
He could supply for me every other day

It started when I was going through a hard time
And I needed something to clear my mind
He offered me the stuff, so I took it
Curious, interested, didn't know what I was doing...

Every dose put me in a colorful mindset
The sun seemed brighter, flowers had a strong scent
I had found the perfect hybrid of lust and a friend
I wanted to indulge over and over again

There were times I took L so much it hurt
Sweet nothings from my mouth were always heard
Dreamed of a future with my dealer, even thought it was absurd
We had no connection, I was only being served

When it was nighttime, there was this feeling I'd get
Before, during and after I took a hit
Sparks of pleasure would zoom and zip
From the top of my head to my sensitive tip

I'd scream out and cry in joy
Everything was surreal because of this boy
But it was getting to be too much, because soon
I'd take hits during the day, on the stairs and in the laundry room

In the days before I had to leave
I spent many moments living in grief
Because I would have to find another dealer
And he'd have a patron who wasn't me

I wouldn't see him for weeks at a time
I felt so sick, darkness clouded my mind
My eyes were hot from forming tears
My voice was bland and shaky, no longer clear
I had nightmares, so much so that
Hallucinations were always in my vision
I was twitching, itching, always
My tolerance of L had made it crap

I begged him everyday to give me some more
He cut me off, made me feel guilty for
Leaving him behind, claiming I should've stayed
Rage and anxiety flooded my heart and veins

I became resentful, I snapped at everybody
Contemplated sleeping with people in numbers of three
I was on a horrible binge until the cops caught me
In the back of a car, blowing hard with rear entry

It was either rehab or jail, that's what they said
They claimed I was lucky, I could've been dead
Not to be cliché, but this was a second chance
To learn how to maintain in a cycle of romance

After being here a month, things are OK
I'm no longer living on the edge, my heart astray
My body's producing its own natural amour
So I won't get caught in someone else's allure

I'm learning to become infatuated with myself
More independent, less wanting for help
Never again will I fall so hard that my passion bleeds
Good night to you and good day to me.”

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