In the darkness of night with only my bedroom clock projecting the endless time on the ceiling and quiet voices whispering in between the infinite sobs
Bang!!
It hit me like a bullet stronger than any gun could give
A bullet of emotions
Realization
Love
And a need
Realization of loss
Love for my parents
A need for my brother and sister
Gingerly looking back at the clock noticing
This talk
This night
Holds 82 years worth of words of someone special
Hours getting later
Minutes getting slower
Outside the New Years celebration still going on
I’m in my mind so deep it’s all blocked out
The only sounds made are those of my conscious running back and forth trying to make sense of the
Words said
The matters met
The boundaries passed
It’s getting later and now all I can make out of the simple slender figure of the clock is blurred red lines seeming to stand for purity
All around me the smell of the nursing home still lingers
Knowing that crying would be much simpler
I choose the hard way of thinking it all through
Phlegmatic
A caring grandma
A loving mom
Now she is the rain in my heart pouring all through me at dry and hard times
Not by my side
Not waiting for me
But deep within me
Always there
Now I know it’s a gift and a curse
No suffering
No worries
No pain
But for me it has been passed on
Because there is nobody I will ever love the same
And no other words but my first and her last
I LOVE YOU