August 1, 2008
Cold and lifeless
Frozen and hard
Dark and lightless
Hurt and scarred
Unlocked my jail cell
Threw out the key
Left without treasure
Left with me
Reach into the warmth
The love hidden there
I hold your hand
Play with your hair
A fairy tale rewritten
The way I was with you
Too wonderful
It couldn't be true
Break away
Leave you behind
A decision that wasn't entirely mine
Crushing a dreamer
Hurting a lover
I wonder inside
Can he ever recover?

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(daydream) said...
Aug. 13, 2008 at 5:41 pm
i love the rhythm in this poem!
it really gets your attention.
the rhyming is also fantastic...
the only thing i think you might work on would be the two lines, "Fantastic" and "a decision that wasn't entirely mine."
the syllable count in them messes with the rhythm just a bit...
maybe you could take out "fantastic" or something...
and " a decision not entirely mine" might be better...
but it's your choice. ... (more »)
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