August 20, 2012
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I am scum.
I am everything that I try to stand against.
The hypocrisy of my façade astounds me.
And it astounds me that none of you see through it.

I wish I could be what you see me as,
I wish I had the courage to realize my dreams.
I am disgusted by my inability,
I am everything that I hate.

I put this mask on every day
And reflect on it at night.
Fully aware of what I should say, my words fail me.
Or rather I fail my words.

I cannot abide cowardice,
And yet that seems to be all I can achieve.
I am disgusted by my inability to express,
I am disgusted by myself.
I am everything I hate.

As I wondered with whom this I could share,
I came to realize, so complete is my disguise
None would believe the truth.
They see only a few words put on paper with no true meaning.

And I see you all enjoying yourselves,
How I would love to join you.
I know I shall be accepted if I ask,
But not acceptance of myself, only of my mask.

I need to disclose this but I cannot. There is no one to tell.
I feel insignificant, nonexistent.
I hate this place, I hate myself, and I’m sorry I’m not enough.

And the worst part is I’m too afraid to tell you, the one person who should know.
I define the word “Coward.”

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