Once upon a dreadful evening, while my insulted guests were leaving,
And refused to grant forgiveness that I continued to implore,?
Saying, “Cease your mocking drama, for my mother’s not a llama, ?
And my father is Chinese and not a half-ton angry boar.
Just Chinese and nothing more.

So I sat down brokenhearted as my affronted guests departed,?
And I turned my thoughts to pondering my dear deceased Lenore.?
Twas a long and dreary nighttide as I thought of my Lenore,?
Only her and nothing more.

All at once there came a knocking, like angelic voices talking,?
(That is, if angels’ voices were like someone knocking on my door).?
So I stood and traversed thither, to the door I cried, “Come hither!
For can it be my dearest love is knocking on my door??
O can it be my dear Lenore?

What I saw beyond my door was scary, for in the darkness, something hairy?
Stood where I had hoped to find my long-lost love Lenore.?
I cried, “Lenore! Come in, I beg you! Although you haven’t shaved your legs, you
Will be mine until we land upon death’s distant shore!”?
“Hoo Hoo! Ahh Ahh!” quoth Lenore.

I flung the door wide open and in through the door my true love bounded?
And swung from chandelier up to the bust above my door.?
I spoke, “Lenore, you left me lonesome! But I still love you, though you’ve grown some,?
And now you’re much more orange than you ever were before.”?
“Hoo Hoo! Ahh Ahh!” quoth Lenore.

Then, mid my moment of elation I was struck hard by realization?
For it crushed my heart to realize just who sat above my door.?
To me, my love had always mattered, and so my broken heart now shattered.?
For an Orangutan sat thither twixt the ceiling and the floor,?
An Orangutan sat thither from the stately days of Yore,?
An Orangutan and nothing more.