Fleeting Feelings and Friends

July 31, 2012
By TickTockBANG SILVER, Botkins, Ohio
TickTockBANG SILVER, Botkins, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I believe that what doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger." --Joker


Once I tried to be sane

I tried to fix my head--

I really tried really hard for a minute, but got bored

and watched the television instead.

On the screen were normal people with twisted faces,

All just as crazy as me, so I

Stared at them to see if they could see me, but they seemed not to see.

I stared so long that any thought of sanity was gone,

So maybe such a thing as sanity was never meant to last too long.


Later I flew to the moon to talk to my imaginary friends

I like them because they talk like what’s real is really pretend.

I landed and said, “I missed you all so much,” And they said, “We all missed you, too.

If you promise not to leave us again, we’ll never leave you.”

I said, “Okay, but only if you pinky promise,” so they promised me,

But then they threw moon dust in my eyes so I couldn’t see.

Once I could see again, I saw that all of my fake friends have gone,

So maybe happiness, like sanity, was never meant to last too long.


The author's comments:
This was written last summer, so it was probably, like, three in the morning.

P.S.--Can someone tell me if I'm actually any good at poetry? Because I never figured that out, and it'd be a great help.

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This article has 3 comments.


eliana924 GOLD said...
on Oct. 18 2012 at 6:55 pm
eliana924 GOLD, New York, New York
11 articles 0 photos 116 comments
Again, no problem :) Just to reiterate, your poem is great; I just wanted to help you make it even better. I tend not to like rhyming because poems often come out sounding a little awkward, or cliche, because there's only so many words that rhyme, and you can tell that the rhyming was too constrictive. And I don't like constrictions and restrictions generally. But sometimes it really works and the poem really benefits from it, but IMHO this doesn't need it. Keep writing!

on Oct. 18 2012 at 2:59 pm
TickTockBANG SILVER, Botkins, Ohio
8 articles 0 photos 44 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I believe that what doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger." --Joker

CONSTRUCTIVE CRITISISM *hugs* Thank you for addressing both what you liked and what I could improve, because that's what I really want from people. I don't like my rhyming poetry as much as my free verse because it's kind of constrictive and it can sound dumb or cliche sometimes, so your comment about that is taken into consideration for me (I already know I'm terrible at titles XD )   Thanks again.

eliana924 GOLD said...
on Oct. 17 2012 at 9:54 pm
eliana924 GOLD, New York, New York
11 articles 0 photos 116 comments
This is so sad! There were certain bits I really enjoyed - like "I tried to fix my head...but got bored and watched the television instead" and "Later I flew to the moon to talk to my imaginary friends." The title isn't so promising, but I like the unusual take you took on this loneliness/maybe-I'm-crazy theme. By having the speaker actually go to the moon to imaginary friends, while at the same time realizing that the friends are pretend, adds a different, interesting layer. I didn't like the ending, though, which was too platitude-ish for my taste, and I'm also not sure that I like the rhymes, though perhaps they add a cute quirkiness. But in either case, I think this piece is great :)


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