Let me tell you a story, a story of my life. Every scar you see has it’s own meaning. Every tear that falls has a reason. Every smile you see upon my face is fake. My heart is broken, my eyes hurt from all the tears, and my skin is red like the color of blood. My mind is wondering day in and day out. My throat is swore from talking. My hands are numb from the cold. With every day something else happens. My eyes start to close and my heart starts to bleed. My mouth is dry it becomes too hard to speak. My life is spiraling out of control; I can’t get a hold on my life as if it’s saying its time for me to go. I have made many bad choices in my life that I can’t fix. I wish and wish on a daily bases for everything to be like it use to. I’ve smiled like there’s nothing wrong but there’s something always wrong. I wish to be like I used to be. I feel as if I don’t belong like I was a mistake from the start. I feel as if I lived a lie and it became too much for me to handle. With every lie there is a truth hiding in between the cracks. I have written and written how I feel and it doesn’t seem to help. All I want is for some one to help me get through this time that I hate. I have thought of suicide many many times because its what my cutting has made me think about. I cry and cry every night till I fall asleep. I have dreams that scare me half to death. I have a past much worse than any one can see. I wish to start my life over again and actually see if I was meant to be apart of this world or not. I see my self-looking in the mirror all the time and wishing I could change everything I see. I wish to speak how I feel but there’s always something holding me back. My parents don’t get how I feel; they think I’m insane because I hurt. They know I hurt but they don’t know how badly. I wish they could see that I hurt everyday. That I struggle not to cut, and not to kill my self each day. I wish these feelings would just go away. No more do I want to feel this way every d*** day. I cry with out reason, I cut to feel numb to release the pain that runs through my body every day. Why can’t I be the girl everyone sees on the outside rather than the inside?
Let Me Tell You A Story
May 23, 2012