Can't Fake It Anymore

A thousand tears have been spilled for the pain I hold
That just seems to grip me by my heart letting my story go untold
And so I take that blade and place it to my wrist and let the pain come as the color red
A part of me says no but the other half says go ahead
But all I want is someone to hold me and tell me everything is alright instead

Why? Why?
Why do I seem to fail when I do my best to try?
And when I fall on my face those around look at me as if I am a disgrace
As they stare at the lines cut on my wrist that I just wish I could erase
Because it just doesn't seem like I can fake the pain anymore
So over and over I question what I am standing for
And who is this person I have become?
I gasp for air as my heart mind and soul are going numb

And it seems I am drowning in my own desperation to find someone to talk to
But everytime I try it seems I get myself in a mess that I just can not pull through
Because I just can't fake the pain anymore
Being that person who cries out but everyone just seems to ignore
And I sit on the cold floor wondering how I am going to cope with the pain once more

Now doubting the promises and hopes that are supposedly ahead,
I take that blade and place it to my wrist and let the pain come as the color red,
And as I look in the mirror and see my tear stained face looking back at me
All I can see is the pain and hurt that the life ahead will guarantee

It seems like I am dying slowly as I walk these halls hurting and broken
The pain is suffocating and I cry out because my words have still gone unspoken
But why can't anyone hear me?
Because I am afraid by the time someone finds me I'll just be a pile of debris
Broken down and in shambles I would be
And even to this point I am breaking down and being burnt by the pain to the third degree

It just seems like my life is spinning fast because I don't understand
I don't understand how to bring my life back and give up what the world will demand
I don't understand how to pick myself off this cold floor and bring myself to stand
Because it just doesn't seem like I can fake the pain anymore
And all I want is for someone to come wipe the tears off my cheek and accept what I am sorry for
So here I am again wondering how I am going to cope with the pain once more

But instead of taking that blade and placing it to my wrist I have vowed to talk to you
Because now I no longer take that blade and let the pain come as the color red
The words that you read only come from your 9th grade student who is writing from her heart
So please understand that this poem was not only created to be seen as a work of art
But words put together as a way to say thank you
A thank you for being a teacher but also someone to turn to
And eventhough I am still struggling with the things I wish I could erase
I just wanted to say thank you for not viewing this whole mess as a disgrace
But instead someone I could turn to and have some embrace