July 18, 2008
By Raisa Tolchinsky, Evanston, IL

I tried to run
tried to scream your name
But I couldn't and the words
stuck in my throat
and I'm sorry
I'm so so sorry.
I let you walk away
Now the memories come back
the wind steals them,
those ashes
of a raging campfire I once knew,
blowing them away
but they always come back to burn you.
there's a loop
playing in my head
of you laughing
and I can't make it go away-
your head thrown
and it's all I can remember
Your laughter fills me up
and I start to cry
because what else can I do?
I let you walk away
because I looked into your eyes and saw
a patchwork, a mosaic
a glimpse of a world that has fallen apart
and been put back together again;
broken and beautiful
it was a mirrored reflection of my heart
and it scared me
I never meant to hurt you
so I blow out the flame
let the smoke drift up to the rafters
of this lonely, empty place
and sometimes in the darkness of night
when all that is here is silence
I close my eyes and see not you
but your shadow

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