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March 31, 2012
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Melancholic he gazes at
Far fetched blue roses that
Present to his personage a gist
A longing, a desire, a hazy mist
He stares at them, empty at mind
Seeking something he cannot find
He is the punter, at heart mad
But in reality a com-mixture of good and bad
His name is a trifle fashioned old;
But appeals to the mind, a bird of gold
He gazes with a mind hollow yet full
Attracted by the ambience, the gradient, the pull
Despised by all and loved by none
He too has adapted to live as lone
But when alone his mind rumbles
tumbles, fumbles, fumes, grumbles
Again the melancholy seizes him
Again he gazes at the roses abreast him
His desire gone, he lowers his gaze
And walks back, preparing to raze
He is a soul, poor and alone
You may not believe he is ousting a groan





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BrightBurningCampeador This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 14, 2012 at 4:20 pm
Nicely written, but in some instances it seemed you tried too hard to rhyme. Particularly the last line. Also, "lone" and "none" don't really rhyme. That's fine sometimes, but the rest of the poem is so scrupulous about rhyming that it distracts from the flow.
 
Dynamo This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Aug. 15, 2012 at 2:11 am
Thanks. I guess that I really did that. Actually I'm not big on writing poetry, so I don't guess this was the best I could do:)
 
sumer44 said...
Jul. 28, 2012 at 9:50 am
I like this poem. I love how it flows and has great word choice. I also like the emotion in it. You are really good. Keep writing! :)
 
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