I Lost My Hope

March 6, 2012
I don’t know where I’m goin man but I don’t like this.
Lose control, punch a wall, now I’ve got bloody fists.
But I don’t feel any better
Yeah my pain still exists
But I can’t even tell you what the pain is.

Lay in bed crying.
Fallin apart.
Right now I feel like I was just f***ed from the start.
But others say I’m blessed because I’ve got a big heart.
I guess I don’t believe em cuz I hate who I am.
I think I’m fallin back; to depression. Damn.

I’m barely holdin on man, I’m scaring myself.
Don’t wanna go back to that life that I left.
I was sad for so long, now my favorite color’s blue.
I wanna be happy man, but there’s nothing I can do.
I hope none of ya’ll experience the s*** I’ve been through…

Most nights I lay in bed and just breakdown and cry.
Other nights my mind peaceful like its waiting to die.
Now I wouldn’t take my life
That would just be foolish.
But I think I wouldn’t fight death if I was on the reapers list.

Every moment of my life I live in distress.
Got lots to live for, but I’m feelin hopeless.
Spend most of my time, swimming in my regrets.
They are the things that I’ll never forget.
Right now I wish that me and I had never met…

I haven’t given up the fight.
I’m lookin for the light.
Not sure if its death or hope.
Do you really think I care?
I just need to get away from this.
To climb out of that abyss…

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