Thoughts haunt me more than anything. The terrorizing voices creeping throughout my head. The past. The present. The future. It all screams at me. Can’t let go of the past. The darkness never seems to fade. There is always a shadow in my eyes, not allowing the light to be reached. Ever. The present is lurking in the shadows of the past. I ask myself, “Are you even living in the present?” Do I know the present? Or in the future does it just turn into the past and never looked at as the present? The fears of the future continue to hold me back. Make me quiver in discomfort. Who am I going to lose? Will I be able to handle it? The one thing in the future that does not seem to scare me is death. Death itself does not frighten me. But death haunts me in the fact that what if I want it one day? I am terrified of hurting in the future. Been hurt in the past, so what will stop it from happening again? I am constantly finding myself fighting tears. My vision already dark from the shadows of my past, now being blurred by the tears from the fear of the future. The tears and the shadow are growing rapidly created shivers throughout my body. People don’t seem to see what is beneath. On the inside I’m burning from fire, but on the outside I’m ice cold. My thoughts lurk within.
The Lurking Thoughts
December 22, 2011