The Pain I Feel

February 3, 2008
They always told me that you were gonna turn out to be my biggest mistake.
But I guess I didn’t want to believe them.
The way you looked at me, the things you said…
You made me feel like a princess, and I’d never thought I’d want to.
So I fell for you. Hard.
But apparently, you did not fall for me.
Apparently, you do this with all the girls.
I guess I should have believed them…

I lost you, but I never had you.
And you had me, but you never wanted me,
not even for a second.
Thanks, but I’m done being just another one of your toys.

So when you ask me what’s wrong, if I’m okay,
thinking that you’re so caring and sweet (or maybe just pretending to be),
I’ll nod and try to smile.
You lied to me for so long;
I think one small lie from me is forgivable.
I’ll look into your eyes, knowing it’ll be the last time I do,
and I’ll turn my back to you
and walk away.
You don’t deserve my tears,
but I won’t be able to help it.
But you definitely don’t deserve to see me cry,
so I’ll leave. For good.
Like I should have so long ago.
I’ll hate you for hurting me,
and I’ll hate myself for loving you in the in first place.

I hope that the hole in your heart hurts more than the one in mine.
But I know that it can’t possibly.
I also hope that your life is long and lonely,
and I hope that anyone stupid enough to try to get to know you leaves you
completely alone.
Because then we would at least be alone, together.

In the end, that’s all I’ll ever want.

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