Behind My Heart

April 6, 2008
Unfolding events find their way around my nonexistent luck again
Defeated, broken down and lost
There’s always a path that looks like the right one
Always, for me it remains a ruse
Fluctuating its persuasive disguise
Drained, hanging by a thread and barely there
Emotionally and physically tired of jerking myself around this field that I hate so much
Only putting myself through the endless suffering
To experience this glorious outcome that I’ve heard so much about
What could really be that glorious, you tell me
Experiencing nice, good and great just leaves me with the emptiness of incredible and wonderful
Or how about incredibly wonderful
I used to wait for it, alone and at home
And then I worked at it, for it
The results do not differ
And I’m almost done with this
Unless it comes at me soon I will discontinue the waiting and working
Deep down, not at the bottom of my heart, but behind it
I hope, with eyes closed and mind never at rest
That what I want so greatly will hit me like an anvil the minute I give up hope
And stop trying
Well guess what
It’s already been two minutes

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