Training Memories

April 5, 2008
Memories no longer pile up
Dirty socks in a heap of laundry
I wash them and dry them and iron them
Then fold them carefully
Rolling up the middle and tucking the ends
Carefully placing them
In a special spot in my drawers.

Memories no longer leave a big mess
I house-train them
Use a special conditioner so their fur is soft
And spray the air around them
With a lavender scent
That’s relaxing and tranquil
And completely worry-free.

Memories no longer scratch the couch
It was tricky to get them
To not ruin the upholstery
But I worked hard and spent a lot of money
On a scratching post
So they won’t wreck my new furniture
And I got their nails clipped, too.

Memories no longer keep me up late
They don’t cry until 3 a.m.
I can always listen on my monitor
Make sure they’re okay
But they sleep peacefully now
Do not disturb my own slumbers
Now that I’ve corrected they’re seemingly unbreakable habits.

Memories no longer haunt me
Tease me
Torture me
Make me sick
And vomit
Memories no longer bite me
Sting me
Yell at me
Fight me
Make my cry
Wash me with a strong bleach.
Because I’ve bleached them back
I’ve fixed my memories
Like an old car that won’t start
My mechanic only makes me pay half now.

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