The room is dark and cold, so cold that there is moisture in the air. I am surrounded by darkness I can’t see a thing but I can vividly hear everything. My thoughts screech at me, their bold and horrifying. Where am I? I can’t find my way out. My imagination runs rapidly, making all my nightmares come to life and to my dismay I leave nothing out. There is something slow moving on the floor, making its way closer and closer to me. The only sight that is visible is the extreme hate lust in the creature’s eyes. An awful grungy smell makes its way into my nose, making the room unbearable. What is the god-forsaken place? The answer comes at me so fast it slams me against the wall. I am trapped in my mind and the monster, the monster is me. A light flickers on in the padded room revealing a tunnel. The tunnel leads to a two way path, as I stagger my stagger my way down it taking the first door on my right. The new room is smaller, claustrophobic really and twice as dark. I take a deep breath in tying to absorb this room when images start to play, images from my past. My minds racing remembering everything, the good, the not so good, the joy and the pain. It’s an over whelming feeling, as I'm being consumed by mixed emotions the door slams shut and locks me inside. Great I'm trapped AGAIN, it suddenly dawns on m. I have been more consumed by the not so good times and my pain from it than I have the joy from my good times. I'm stuck in my past, deep in my past somewhere in my mind. In order for me to get out I have to let go, let go of everything that has been holding me back while life continues to pass me by. I close my eyes taking a deep breath in, as I exhale my emotions poor out, tears stream down my face. I open my eyes letting everything go, this warm feeling takes over my body puppet mastering me to smile. Now all the "parasitic, psycho, filthy" people and memories are no longer haunting me. I open the door and quickly close it behind me relief flutters through my veins. There's only one more door left, hesitantly I open it. It’s a big bright room that has the scent of hope running through it.
December 3, 2011