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Misunderstanding of the SELF...

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The words that are known are the words that are often spoken.
The words that are unknown sometimes hide behind the teeth, under the tongue
And bury them deep in the throat.
The words that are unknown to themselves don't even know why they spoke what they did...

When I speak, I never mean to hurt, but somehow I do...
& it comes out the wrong way to you.
Thoughts go racing through my mind the very moment I realize something's not
Right:
Of losing you.. us .. and it's a frightful sight.
To climb in my mind
During that time,
It’s like a vicious whirlwind that could KILL my brain
And make me go insane.
No one understands how much I care.
"Oh forget it. It’ll pass over" is something I will NOT say and I don’t even dare...
Why? Because I CARE.
I care for you. I care about you.
You’re my dream come true.
We short text for a little
And maybe a long one or two in the middle.
All of this I could’ve prevented.
It never woulda happened.
But no one understands
Why I think those things
And why countless circles of repetitional thinking and questioning turn into
continuous, unconscious circles.
Circles of no answer,
Circles that have no opening.
An hour passes and I’m still sitting here hoping...
Hoping you'll forgive me
Hoping I’ll forgive me...
I love you a lot,
I really do.
But no one understands...
Who CARES if anyone understands...?
I don't even understand myself sometimes...
Why I say those wrong things
Why I do these wrong things...
This is a battle I fight with myself.
My thoughts are sometimes bad for my health.
This isn't about me.
This is about the misunderstanding of the SELF... for that I can't comply with
.
I don't get it. I love you so much
And I hate to see you upset.
When someone is the reason, I’m mad too.
When I’m the reason, my heart sinks...
It drowns in my "why's” ?
It pours out in my stream of cries.
The tears overflow
And so do my emotions.
They get the best of me because I love you and I hate to see you upset...
When I’m the reason, I hate me.
I think, "how stupid can I be?”
It might be okay to you but it's not to me ; not only have we found love but we
Found victory.
You are what means the most to me
And I hate knowing I’m the reason why you're not happy ..
Feeling you hold me gives me butterflies
But feeling you pull away made the butterflies' flutter die..
I love you
I love you .
I’m sorry , I am .
But I misunderstand the SELF ...
And therefore, I cry.
The tears roll down...don't feel bad for me, let me suffer.
Let me sit there and drown in my thoughts,
Drown in my nightmares.
When I sleep, all I can do is pray to God to help me.
When I wake all I can do is lay there and think : "why..."
Why’d I do it. Why’d i say it...
It never woulda happened if I had’ve prevented and delayed it.
Please see my sincerity
For these are the thoughts in my mind as we speak.
As we breathe, as we see, as we live ...
For you, the world is what I’d give....




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