March 24, 2008
I wish I could fly,
high, gliding across the sky.
I wish I could take back the hurtful things I said to you.
I wish I didn’t hurt so bad.
I wish it wasn’t all my fault.

Once, the sky took the shade of a pink rose, looking love-filled, giving hope.
Once, that sky failed me.
Once, you took my hand and said it would all be alright.
Once, I snatched my hand back and said you were wrong,
it would never again be alright.
Once, I wish I’d died instead of lived,
having to face the sad, vulnerable looks of your gorgeous face.

Now, I’m all alone,
unloved, unwanted.
Now, I’m awake, floating through the days,
unaware of my surroundings, bumping, crashing, burning.
Now, I simply don’t care.
Now, I wish I could go back to simpler times,
maybe before adolescence, maybe before the new millennium.
Now, I’m weak, scared, and vulnerable.
Now, it’s still all my fault.
Now, I wish things back to the way they were before I spoke to you the unwanted, unmeant, hurtful words.

I remember what it was like to be a child,
in simpler times, no responsibilities, no cares, a lot less hurt.
I remember what it was like to be in your arms,
warm, safe, like home.
I remember what it was like to look into your blue, mysterious eyes, and wonder,
just wonder, what it was that lie behind those blue eyes.
I remember happier times,
incredibly wonderful times.
I remember being loved,
what an astounding feeling.
I remember when a “greener” pasture reared his ugly head,
one that turned out to be not so green, quite black actually,
one that ruined everything.

I will never love again,
fearing how the end will be my fault all over again.
I will never be loved again,
alone always.
I will never sleep again,
fearing what dreams might bring.
I will never be whole again,
a part of me is forever missing in you.
I will never find my way back home,
the map was lost with your love.

I wish I could fly,
high, gliding across the sky,
right back into your heart.

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