down to my core

October 28, 2011
today i tried to cut again
to feel nothing but physical pain
i let these emotions get the best of me
which someday will be the best of me
the bottle top wasnt sharp enough
it wouldnt let me cut deep enough
sill drown my day in music
sufficate all this bitterness
i always think ive forgotten, of the things ive pushed into the closet, closed in, buried and locked.
the awful memories, those crazy thoughts inside my head.
memories i hoped once were dead.
so i turn up the music so loud craving to be deaf, it helps me fade away, yet i still hear the screams and sobs from mom, pleading for help of some God.
a God that never shows
though he knows the things that he knows.
i remember the last time i tried to cut, i remember it so distinctively.
so i held that sharp piece of heaven, hoping to have a little slice of heaven for myself, but i just held it like some weakling.
i didnt have the courage to do it before
but now it different cause i have this hate drilling deeper into my core.

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