Today, if you asked me, I'd say
the worst feeling in the world
is regret
the kind of regret that slams into you
coming at you from all your drunk days past
when you pass your ex boyfriend
and picture yourself naked
letting go of everything
confessing to him as you lay side-by-side in the dark of your room
completely exposed
all the fantasies hiding in your head
that you never thought would be uttered to a living, breathing boy
or when the light reflecting off glass
brings back the time your father picked you up
so drunk that you opened the car door wildy on the drive home and nearly leaped out
and how ashamed you felt when your headache woke you up in the morning and you saw
broken glass and bruises and your mother crying
and you thought to yourself
"what kind of person am I?"
The kind of regret, where even though years have passed
when you remember, you cover your face with your hands
and slow your walk
and think "Oh God" from the depths of your clenched bowls
"what kind of person was I?"