Burning

Silence is golden is what they told me
Keep my mouth shut and I could be free
As free as a caged bird with her vocal cords clipped
As free as a little girl who’s had her heart ripped
Out of her war-torn, bruised and scarred body
Scorned, used and putting up a permanent guard
They say it’s really not so hard
To cope, to deal, to survive,
To recognize that you are alive
But sometimes when you look in the mirror
Nothing is clearer than how little you’re worth
Sometimes just getting up of your knees is like trying to measure the universe’s girth
Trying to put your arms around the earth
So your arms are always empty
As the shot glass you were born in
Born of sin, regretted time and again
And you feel like it’s about to begin
The vicious cycle, the limitless pain
And it begins to drain you
Like the bathtub drained of her blood on her first ill-fated attempt
And you’re full of contempt
For the ones that showed you hate
You hear them talk and you berate
All the while, wishing death to the stars for shining more brightly
Than you ever could, nightly
You need that voice on the line
Just to tell you that you feel fine
And to make you go on living a life you never planned
You weren’t meant to be dealt this hand
And now you’re handing bad deals
Promises you’ve broken make your head reel
As you ignite your skin
As he sinks in
By the drink, by the hour, by the penny
You can’t seem to find any hope
Light a lighthouse with no flame
You are cold, you take the blame
While you lie shattered
Broken, battered
Ill-spoken as the dead
And you crawl into bed
Having only yourself to deal with
To feel with
And the tears begin again
And pour down like rain across the Kansas plains
You want your first home, not the second, or third
Your own little window to look out of at the birds as they fly away
So far away, further than you can see
And you think, why can’t that be me
And you sip your cup of tea as the lights slowly dim
And all you can see is him
Feel his hands pushing you down, down
Into the vast abyss of nothingness
Down into the hurt
Into the earth
Burying you in his dirt, his filth
And you bleed for days as the sun’s rays are permanently erased
Until someone comes along with a shovel
Digs an underground tunnel
Digs you out of his mistake
And his, and his, and his…
And you begin again
Silence is golden, they told me
Keep your mouth shut, and we won’t hurt you
These words were so far from true
And I struggle to find
What little hope lies in the reassurance of your words
I won’t go up in flames
I won’t burn





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