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October 19, 2011
Your love gleamed like sunbeams on a sea of unbroken stillness
I remember crying myself to sleep and waking to rainbows of hope
That were crushed by my inevitable inability to cope
I was torn
The fabric of my being ripped at the seams
Shattered
Like glass
Broken, and battered
At someone else’s hand
Until I learned to stand on my own two feet
Taller than Empire state building
Can you feel the stillness that has awoken in me
Like the eye of the Sphinx opening after thousands of years
And millions of tears later
I’ve been set free, no longer caged
I am a songbird taking flight
I can feel the rage of a million years being set free
Like the chains of slavery finally being broken
I’ve exploded like a firecracker, like fresh paint on a new canvas
I feel myself exceeding expectation, accepting my past and looking to the future
There is no limitation, I am infinity
Brighter than every star in the Milky Way
I am the only thing that can destroy me, and I can paint myself in whatever color I feel
I can feel, And I am reeling from my new-found capability to come to terms
To live and learn, to love and let go, to forgive and forget
To live each day by day by day
Life’s metronome coming to a standstill
Slowing down, breathing
Believing again in what I thought was forever lost
Like a long forgotten time capsule
I am finding myself, who I was meant to be
Free
At last, I am free
Not broken or bruised, battered or bleeding
Scarred or used, and seeing is believing
So look at me, not just a passing glance
This may be your last chance
Look at me
Understand who I am,
Who I was,
And who I am meant to be
I am beautiful
Like a brand new sunrise
A basketweave of complexity
Strong and vulnerable
Blunt and reserved
Capable and afraid
Talented and lost
Open and resistant
Resilient to give up in my beliefs
Lost and found
Walking contradiction
At what cost did it come?
Every scar another story
Every story another piece
Of my shattered existence,
Try to resist this
I am awake, I am alive
I am thriving on sanity
I am not numb, and I don’t need to be
The only thing I’m ever giving up again is using
Abusing my body
Hurting myself
Putting me at the back of the shelf to deal with eventually
Like a broken figurine
Eventually is now
This is how I will cope,
Come to terms
And learn
My eyes are open wider than the deepest crevice of the cracks of my heart
I am done being torn apart
I am sewing myself back together
Brand new start
Your love gleamed like sunbeams on a sea of unbroken stillness
I remember crying myself to sleep and waking to rainbows of hope





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