My Story

I lied to my best friend for you,
When she asked “Is he actually coming over?”
She was referring to Monday,
When there was no school &
When no one would be home.
I told her I didn’t know,
But most likely you would not be coming over.
She gave me that face;
That face that says “uhuh…sureee”
Without even saying it.
She knew I was being dishonest—
Of course she did, she’d known me since we were in diapers,
But there was nothing she could do about it,
Because it was my choice and not hers.
I knew she really didn’t want you to come over,
Because as she put it you were a “user and abuser”
She wasn’t being judgmental, she knew your ways.
But that’s not what this is about.
This is not about my best friend;
This is about you.

An anonymous poet retells a painful & heartbreaking account in her life. This poem really doesn’t need an introduction so I’ll just leave it at that, and let you listen to “My Story”…

So you did come over that Monday.
I told you that I really wanted to see you,
But I kinda had a headache.
You said, “No worries, we can still have fun”,
As you jumped on to my bed
Uninvited and gave me a flirty wink.
I just stood there and stared at you & half smiled,
A million thoughts rushed through my head
(None of them rational)
Along with my non-stop headache.
This is the first time I’ve actually had a conversation in person with you, I thought.
If you can call this a conversation…
You motioned for me to come and sit next to you,
And like a little lost & lonely puppy dog, I followed your command.
As soon as I sat, you leaned in and tried to kiss me—I let you.
You were my first kiss & I remember everything
I remember everything
The way your hungry lips touched mine
It’s permanently stained in my memory
But now, I don’t really count that as my first kiss
Because now, I try to forget who you are.
Just like you forgot me.
So it continued, for an hour or so, non-stop.
But I cannot recall what happened after that first kiss
It’s all a big blur now.
But honestly I’m really not like that at all,
But something came over me that day.
And things happened with you that I would never do.
As you left my house that Monday, I was on cloud 9.
And I know it sounds cheesy but
I felt like the most beautiful girl in the entire world.
And that’s the truth
That is how I did feel, then.
You said you’d call me later.
You never did, unless your definition of later is 3 months.
I suppose you decided to ignored me
Like I was someone you didn’t know
But you knew me
You knew exactly who I was
Or maybe you ignored me because
I was just another hook up to you
Only you truly know why you did that.
Why you played me for a fool.
That cloud 9 I was on, disappeared.
Actually it didn’t disappear, it transformed.
& it transformed into disdain
I’d see you in the halls.
Make perfect eye contact with you
And then watch you walk right by me;
Not seeming to remember nor care who I was.
This was my all time low.
You contacted me at your convenience,
Asking to “hang out” again.
I cannot believe I actually considered
For one moment
“Hanging out” with you
Again.
After what you did to me,
How you treated me,
How you made me feel?
After all that
No.
You are selfish.
You do not care about who you hurt
Or how other people feel
As long as you can have your “fun”
As long as you can have a “good time”.
Please tell me
Tell me why
Why should I have to go through that again so you can have “fun”?
Scratch that
Why did I have to go through that in the first place?
I didn’t deserve that, no one does.
All that time I wasted thinking about you
Wondering if you’d call and if you remember me
Or if you were too high to remember what happened when it happened
But it doesn’t matter now
Because I’m better than that (that being you)
And I deserve much better.
So now I’ve moved on.
I walk through the halls
With my head up in the air
Laughing with my friends
Not caring if I see you or not
You’re just another face in the crowd to me.
I don’t hate you.
Hate involves obsession.
Obsession would involve thinking of you.
Which I never do anymore.
Because who are you to me
When I’m absolutely nothing to you?