Can Someone talk and just listen, can someone not say I'm sorry when I say something that's not their fault, can I not get sympathy in my life for just once from the mouths of automatic response?? Can I just say something sad and not want to cry because I know someone will stay there and try to prove a worthless point that they care?True that they are supposed to be helpful to you, but for me what do they do? they fill me with guilt for not keeping it to myself and trust me this is beyond help. Don't take me to a shrink for I won't and can't have it, I'll outsmart them with my wit until they resign seeming crazy by something I said just a little bit. I want to care I honestly do, but for once in my life it feels as if I'm not there. It's not their fault when I say something has happened either sad or something unreasonably bad. Now right now I may sound stoic, but not every person is heroic. Can I Just not care if people think that something is out of place with me here or there? For once can I feel not judged, like my soul is darkly smudged?? I don't want people to be sympathetic I just want them to understand that I'm a reading artistic poetic. My sister once told me when I was just yonder years of eight that I'm to apologetic and that it's not my best trait. Next time you walk by, you could say hi how you doing, but don't expect a real reply, for that, that just might leave me to cry. For all the tears that I've shed one by one my fears are becoming dead. Can somebody tell me that sometimes just sometimes I'm like the changing sea? Oh how I wish that I could leave their minds dead by answers that I could have said. But I don't want their sympathy, no that's to much, so for now the questions asked and the answers unsaid I leave their minds pondering very undead. For my mind is spinning and right now my fingers are winning this impossible war that I don't even know what I'm fighting for. Keep on grinning and let no one know that I ain't winning, for I've started a war that I must finish, and not ignore. Back to the art and reading for my studies are really getting to be a bore. My writing well it's just a simple task while words are coming out of my mouth like whiskey out of a hidden flask. I ain't going to take sympathy no more because really taking it now is such a chore. I've done enough to ask in this raging war and no I'm not going to take this crap thrown at me anymore. I don't need your sympathy I just need you to be here for me, and then maybe just maybe you'll start to see. I'm fighting this war like I've never done before so come and listen as I tell the tale of my heart and let my imagination soar.
September 12, 2011