The Beast

February 24, 2008
By Timothy Piontek, Holliston, MA

I don’t know why women all think men aren’t scared of bugs
Because we are
Say a man’s going to take a shower
And you know, he only has shorts on
If he walks through the bathroom door, grabs his towel
And sees some creature that looks like
A descendent of the bugs Moses sent at the pharaoh in Egypt
With a stinger the size of King Arthur’s Excalibur
The average guy will just about high-tail-it back to his room

Then, instinct takes over
And man finds himself feeling like he is in prehistoric era
And searches his domain for a worthy weapon to wield upon this epic beast
He holds his old sports Illustrated in his hand, images of Braveheart in his mind
But alas, looks down at his boxers and determines
A battle of this proportion cannot be approached without proper armor
And that’s what guys think
Because in our own minds we are by far the coolest funniest creatures to walk this earth
And we sure as hell aren’t scared of a bug
We’re just preparing for a courageous mission

So he grabs his thick sweatpants, long sleeve shirt,
And an oversized hat that reminds him of an army helmet
And enters the bathroom
The shower long forgotten
Walks up to the creature hesitantly
Like he’s going to ask it to dance
And just as he is about to strike
He thinks of opening the window, to at least give it a chance of escape
But the thought of this thing breeding is too much

So he raises the magazine
The wasp bows as if to say, let’s do this
And just as it takes off in flight, the magazine is brought down
And the wasp is sent towards the green tiled floor
It squirms and cries out
But no one can hear
And after it stops moving, it is placed in its toilet paper casket
And flushed down the toilet like the goldfish you had when you were six

Similar Articles


This article has 0 comments.


MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!