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A Frenzied Life

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Frenzy, bustle, and buzz…life.
The stimulus of modern-day strife.
Tranquil peace has flown its course,
And in its place is something worse.

Peaceful rest and quiet sleep,
Have fled away; no more to keep.
Replaced by stress and fevered rush,
Life’s simple times have become less.

Rushing here and rushing there,
With no relief, please do beware.
Our spirit lasts only so long,
With no recharge, we’ll soon be gone.

Why can’t we read between the lines,
And share in life’s quiescent times?
For frenzied stress can do service-
Only when joined with calming bliss.



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Love.Hate.Passion. said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 7:27 pm

Amazing work!

The flow was off a little in the 8th line , but this was really good. It's got a great message to it , and your description was marvelous.

 
IamtheshyStargirl said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 6:23 pm

I like your message, but the rhyming seems a bit stiff and awkward sometimes. Maybe if you just let it flow freely?

Personally, I can't rhyme at all L:

 
Kev-Girl said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 4:03 pm
ooooooo good job on this! I love how everything flows! 
 
julian This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 4:13 pm
Thanks so much! I appreciate you taking the time to read it!
 
TimeslipOracle said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 2:32 pm
I can totally relate to this, you're really talented :) 
 
julian This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 4:15 pm
Thank you so much!
 
ams98 said...
Sept. 2, 2011 at 10:25 am
I really enjoyed it...u r a really good writer:)))
 
sarahology This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 10:46 am
*thesaurus
 
sarahology This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 10:46 am
I love the rhythm of your poem, it's really matches the subject & brings to mind a rolling calming lullaby. Really beautiful work. The only thing I would consider changing are the adjectives in the second stanza, they could be stronger and more evocative of peace. (Check a theasurus if you're stuck!) Other than that, I was completely drawn in by your poem. 
 
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