I Thought I Needed It

March 7, 2008
By Shantell Heishman, Custar, OH

I thought I needed it
Your bitter sweet love
I thought I would die without it
I cried many nights without it
Knowing that you would never truly be mine

When I see you I can’t breath
When I’m with you I want to scream that I want you
To be mine
But I can’t find my voice

But when you’re with her my heart breaks
I hate her because she has the one thing I would die for
I hate her because she doesn’t deserve you
I hate her because she has you
I hate her because I’m not her

Then I realize that you know
You’ve known all along that I loved you
And I don’t have to wait for you
If you loved me you would show it
I wouldn’t be just one of those girls who is your friend
And that’s all we will ever be

That’s all
Then it happens
You tell me you love me
To my face
But it’s like a brother to sister love
And then you lean over and kiss her

How I hunted for those kisses
And now they will never be mine
Because of her

Why do I blame her?
It’s not her fault
She loves you too
And you love her
So I let go
If we were truly meant to be
You will see me one day
And realize
What you could have
And I hug her as I prepare to go
And I whisper in her ear
“You’re a lucky girl”
I smile and walk away
With out looking back
I wipe a tear away

I never truly loved you
I never needed you
And now I must move on
And leave you behind

I have to live my life
I’m not going to wait for you any more
And then I see out of the corner of my eye
You, chasing after me
With out her

I look back and I see her wave to me before walking away
I smile at her
And you wrap your arms around me and brush the tears away and say
“I always loved you; I thought it was you that didn’t love me”
You kiss my cheek and I see tears running down your cheeks
And I pull you close and I realize then
The truth
I had you
And didn’t even realize

Then I see her wiping tears away as she walks away
Ant it’s her that needs you
Not me
And I tell you to go to her
That we will never be

And I watch you walk away
And I realize this was what I had been waiting for
All along
This is truly the happiest moment of my life
Letting you go
Her loving you was more important than me having you
After all that time
And finally I feel at peace.

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