My Ex-Father

March 6, 2008
Jesus held my hand that unforgettable December day.
As tears rolled down my face, he told me it was okay.
I stood outside,
Out there in the rain and wanted to leave.
I wanted to run away.
To anywhere, it didn't matter.
Away from you: my own Father.
But as I looked you in the eyes for the last time,
I never imagined you would forget me.
After that night and the papers you signed days later,
You no longer had a daughter.
After all the talks you gave me when I was a little kid,
After all the times you said I was everything to you,
You won't even acknowledge me.
You got everything you wanted:
A new truck,
A perfect family with your two sons,
And the opprunity to forget the biggest mistake you ever made.
When you signed that paper you left me.
You left me and forgot your high school mistake.
All I wanted from you was for you to look me in the eyes and say, "It's okay"
But I know that's too difficult for you.
Now I have this pain that stays deep in my heart,
Haunting me,
And making me feel as though I have betrayed you.
Maybe I have, but it's too late to go back now.
I can't change the choice I made to leave that night,
And I don't think I would if I had that chance.
But I wish it wouldn't have ended this way.
People ask me if I hate you and sometimes I wish I could,
But you were my Father.
For 14 years you were my role model,
And now your just gone.
You will never go to my graduation.
You will not walk me down the aisle when I get married.
You will not be there in the future when I become somebody.
I will never hear you say that you are proud of me.
You didn't even say goodbye.
I was:
Your only daughter,
Your high school mistake,
And your biggest fan.
Now you won't even acknowledge me.
It's like we never even met.

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