Friend or Faux?

August 7, 2011
By laurenxnicole BRONZE, Matawan, New Jersey
laurenxnicole BRONZE, Matawan, New Jersey
4 articles 0 photos 0 comments

You claim you know the real me,
But you are in fact incorrect.
I am not who you believe me to be.
I am far from being just a girl with intellect.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone,
As no one completely gets who I’ve become.
Over the course of high school, I have surely grown,
Grown into a complicated girl who’s about to come undone.

Some days I have to tell myself I’m content,
Because happiness is short-lived when it comes to my life.
Hiding my sadness from others is my usual intent,
As I continue to secretly live amidst disappointment and strife.

For years, I have been putting on an act.
Not intentionally, but subconsciously, yes
Pretending everything was fine when it was not in fact
For I have always been under much stress.

If I were ever asked what was wrong, happiness I would feign,
Though if you paid any attention, you’d seen my emotions displayed on my sleeve,
But putting on a façade seemed easiest, then I’d never have to explain.
I was always very happy. Oh wait, that’s just what I had led you to believe.

I think this is the part where I thank my “friends.”
Thanks for shrugging off my problems as if they were no big deal.
Thanks for transforming our friendships into ones I no longer wish to mend,
And thanks for making me feel the way I feel.

I’d also like to thank the 2011 class of Old Bridge High School.
Thanks for establishing absurd preconceived ideas about me.
Thanks for belittling my ideas and making me feel like a fool,
And thanks for making my high school experience one of misery.

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but I quite love New York City,
More than any other place I’ve ever been to.
And moving there means leaving Old Bridge. Oh, what a pity.
Leaving this town is the most advantageous thing I can do.

Most people would consider going to college a bittersweet experience,
But I guess those people have friends to leave behind.
I, however, will only be “leaving behind” my mom, which will be intense,
For my relationship with her is both strong and divine.

It’s safe to say my mom is my only true friend, at least from what I can see,
Because everyone else has let me down time and time again.
But I’ve finally learned to accept the fact that I will never be treated as I should be.
And when it comes down to it, I’d much rather have a wonderful mom than tons of selfish “friends.”

There is one concern I have, I’ll admit.
What happens if I have a mental breakdown and my mom isn’t there?
Who will I talk to? I just may have a fit.
I’d confront my roommates, but that would be unfair.

Despite the fact that we’ve become very close,
It’s not their responsibility to make sure I’m well,
And I wouldn’t want to be thought of as a “Debbie Downer” at most.
So, if I have a problem, whom do I tell?

For the time being, I’ll just accept things for what they are,
All the while, trying to put the past behind me because I truly have grown.
And if need-be, I can see my mom, for she doesn’t live far.
Although, I think this bird is ready to fly on her own.

The author's comments:
My friends have let me down recently. I haven't heard from most of them all summer, and thus, I've felt very alone. This poem represents everything I've been feeling lately and everything I wish I could say to my "friends."

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