Drifting Amongst Internal Oceans

August 3, 2011
By Anonymous

And if only you could see what has been deep inside of me,
A smile would flicker ‘cross your face, you’d hold me in this place
Where I would like to call home, but I don’t know if I belong,
Like Alice I seem to be falling forever, for solid ground I long.

I am rooted to this place, between two faces of a coin,
Of a life I used to love, a life I am forced to join.
Yet the smiles keep rolling in, a neutral car down a hill,
But each smile is a façade, a piece of me I wish to kill.

If only it was that easy, to erase one’s life like some lead,
I’ve begun to learn that all life leads to is tragedy and dread.
Behind blue eyes are shadows of a boy I used to know.
So happy and carefree, underneath a mother’s glow.

But the world greeted him sullenly, with a never-ending sound,
“Live life to the fullest, in the end we’re just buried underground.
The smile forever faded, like the ink upon this page,
Fully aware of his life, something time rewards with age.

The shadow never left his face until he found his perfect girl,
But she threw it all away; she had crushed that boy’s world.
He had vowed not to be hurt again, ‘til the age of twenty-one,
Someone he could confide in, and not show him his gun.

The world had been kind to him for the last month of his life,
“I’ve found someone to love, a girl who I could show the night.
And when all else is quiet, when we’re just dust beneath the stars,
I’ll tell her that I love her, we’ll spend forever chasing cars.”

But what if one day we fall apart, like leaves caught in the wind,
Could I ever find love again, is it really worth it in the end?
My head tells me I’m just stuck in love, just a silly little phase,
My heart tells me to hold on to her for the rest of my days,
But I just don’t know what to do…

I know that we’re not perfect; we both have our own demons,
I’m afraid of what might happen, afraid that we will see them.
I’m afraid that I will push you to the point of never coming home,
Please know forever always that you’ll never be alone.

I could offer you the world but that still would not come close,
Whisper empty promises to tame your untamed ghosts,
But I mean every word I say, when I whisper them to you,
I want to be your everything. Darling I wish you really knew.

The author's comments:
At the time, I had a lot on my mind, and was thinking a lot. This is that in poem form.

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