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Confessions

I need to make a confession
I need to make this public
I am falling in an unfathomable depression
The others may not assume much of it
The others might not consider that when I’m silent
I’m secretly plotting the way I could do it
The way I could desert this life
And all the reasons why I should shoot it

The others may not think much of it
When I cry in the bathroom stalls
Maybe I fell off the swing?
But my problems are not childish at all
Maybe it never crossed their mind
That my life was running out of time
That this depression was eating me inside
The sorrow I could not hide
I didn’t know why I wanted to run
I didn’t know why I wanted to bawl and cry

The others may not believe much of it
That even though you’re mean I secretly love it
That even though you tease me and pull my hair
I secretly cherish the moments that you were there
Even though you hit me and leave me scars
I always have hope that someday I'll touch your heart
Even though you portray me in awful ways
That maybe you’ll love me someday
And maybe if you gave me that attention I need
Everything would be okay
Everything would be like it’s supposed to be
With you and me
But it could never be

So I take the trigger
Shoot the bullet in my heart
Make the wound even bigger
And maybe this will take the ache away
Maybe this will force it to stop
But for eternity that hole will forever be in my heart



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