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The Roller Coaster

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Hold on tight
See the sights
Of beaches and caves
Of people and slaves
The ride is never ending
Like a story that is pending
You’re jostled and toppled
And smiling and startled
As you go from curve to curve
To feel in your every nerve
A million different feelings
That come and then go peeling
Away like the wind
Maybe you’ve made a sin
Yet life goes on living
Roller coaster’s always spinning
Let go and you’ll fall
Give up and be hauled
Away from all of the living
Life is only for the living.





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GreenSerenity said...
Jan. 2, 2012 at 7:15 pm
This is a fresh take on an old cliche :) I like how it's fast-paced, just like a roller coaster. I agree with Sarahology about "made a sin" sounding kind of awkward, but sometimes there's no other way to say something so it fits in the poem and flows perfectly at the same time. Great job :)
 
thetruthawaits94 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 4, 2011 at 5:56 pm
I was hoping that this wouldn't be the life is a roller coaster cliche- don't get me wrong, that is your meaning- but it in no way seemed old (as in the overused way). You wrote this analogy in a completely new way, and BRAVO for that! I love the idea. :)
 
sarahology This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 29, 2011 at 10:39 am
Initially, I was put off by the roller coaster concept (overused..) However, this blew me away. I loved the short lines, particularly the last two. Great imagery. The only line I would consider changing is "made a sin" -- it's awkwardly worded, maybe you need it like that for the flow but it takes away from the rest of the poem. Really beautiful though.
 
FictonFan101 said...
Aug. 1, 2011 at 11:02 pm
this made me think and i love that. its really gud!
 
gracegirl29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 7:22 pm
Normally I don't like rhyming poems but this one was very good! It was creative enough to make the poem enjoyable and you did a really good job conveying your message.
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Jul. 24, 2011 at 2:50 pm
I love the imagery this poem gives. :)  The rhyming scheme is excellent and so is the message behind it.
 
gigi01 said...
Jul. 23, 2011 at 10:48 pm
very interesting poem... nice concept and good descriptions... I like how you applied it to life, especially the last two lines... great job!
 
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