Is this what changing feels like?
I opened up the door to sky
and past midnight there were shuttered creaks
that slowly roused me to think, since when have I been so numb?

the stubble slobber laughter of late night lovers under covers
and though that sounds not quite erotic
we’re too young to know the difference.

how did it get this way
the flesh the flesh on flesh
and pain and touching late night secret sounds
if you do not eat the flesh of the Son of Man
and drink his blood,
you will not have life in you.


I touched a coil of secret thought
that swept me up in memories of late night prayers
and is this what changing feels like?
the dull thud the pain the soft caress
internal mechanisms twist
and all night long I writhe and retch

but in the morning I am numb
forget the sins I save for stars
and only night to overhear

and brush my teeth and do my hair and
guilt does not bend me
and excitement does not fill me
and sick pride only simmers

Is this what changing feels like?