Unpermitted Thoughts

July 3, 2011
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For the first few days, I forgot your face, because I had other things on my mind. Things like how badly you betrayed me.

Well, I was sitting outside today, drinking cold water in the hot sun and I closed my eyes for a moment and an image broke into my peace.

A vision of your smile, gleaming teeth, looking to the sky with crinkly eyes, warm like your skin. A image I had once forcefully forgotten; now I remember everything.

I cried, naturally.

Beautiful, but merciless and cruel, you are. I will never forget the way your skin felt against my lips.

You never told me that I was beautiful, but I always told you how beautiful you were, because I I was always looking.

Your smile made it hurt. Your smile reminded me of waking up in your arms and the way you were my sun in the winter. Your smile made the pain come back. Your smile reminded me of what you did that one night.

You probably smiled when you were with her. Holding her. Kissing her.

A smile, once lovely, is now just a bad flesh wound.

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