Enemies in Alliance

July 10, 2011
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I wasn’t ever insecure
Until I feel prey to the lure
Of what I thought was the truth.
The sordid secrets of my youth.
I listened to you
You told me you knew
About all the voices
Never Heard.
Silenced before they got to say a word.
Mine rusted in my open throat
I tried to swallow, but I choked.
Why did I let you treat me this way
Just because I was human; I made a mistake.
I let you tell me I wasn’t good enough.
To be heard or held or liked or loved.
I let you force me to my knees
Crying and clinging to things I couldn’t see.
And the worst part is, as much as I try to pin your name to my pain
I have only my own insecurity to blame.
I’m done with letting you tell me who I am.
Judging me for what I can’t do and scorning what I can.
You say I’m not strong, you say I can’t fight
But then how, if I’m not, did I force my way through to the light?
You said you were the bigger person
That I was less because I was hurting.
But like the mirror, you’re a liar.
As soon as I stopped flapping my wings so much I rose higher.
It takes more to get up after a fall
To stand up straight when you feel so small.
You better run for your life while you can.
Because I am a living promise armed with a plan.
I am past the dark, and I’m not looking back.
Even if I did, I would no longer see all the things Iack.
My eyes were yours, but now there are only my own
I can see that I’m not alone.
You tried to tell me I wasn’t good enough.
Because you weren’t heard or held or liked or loved.
You forced me to my knees
Because you spent every night on yours, crying and clinging to what you couldn’t see.
But worst of all, your tried to pin my name to your pain
When you have only your own insecurity to blame.
The only reason anyone hates someone else
Is because they have the same feeling toward themselves.
I will never again be scared.
Because now I know, now I’m aware.
That everything you did to me
Was because of the demon’s screams.
We’re allies in the inner war
I understand it hurts less sometimes to hurt more.
But don’t use me to feel okay
It’s not going to work and there’s a better way.
Stop turning your heart inside out
Stop listening when the cacophony shouts
Stop being a prisoner, stop being a slave
You can get out of this Hell that you’ve made.
Love me or hate me, I won’t leave you alone.
Because nobody should have to deal with themselves on their own.

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