Knife | Teen Ink

Knife

June 19, 2011
By Anonymous

And it was that hour my heart pounds so hard I can feel it in my feet and beats so fast I can't see which was better than seeing the tears in my eyes, everyone I saw just made me wonder whats next and hope it wasn't the worst. This of course making me cry even more. Every time I wiped my eyes 1.2.3. And and it's already down my cheek.. 
Every second was 10 years I would have died in a day. I couldn't stand knowing what you want to do but not knowing what you were doing..
For what felt like the end of time I waited for the reply that might never come.. with the move of a hand this could all be over.. I think of all the stories I'd heard and the dramas I promised myself my life would never be.. 
I feel like I don't know you.. Like I might have never known you.. This is one of those things so bad it doesn't get passed as a rumor cause there scared of what would happen if it were true.. The thing you can't really tell anyone cause you wish it never happened.. I feel like the worst thing just happened to everyone I love but me.. I want you to tell me your fine..or just tell me anything.. But it feels like you stabbed me and when I turn around all you had was a butter knife and you had poked me with your finger.. I feel like even if you stabbed me now it would be better then the heart attack you just gave me.. Like I need to leave you as my promise to myself of that never happening again but what if you do it because of me.. And will I be a jerk for leaving you over an exaggeration.. Or if i want to leave you before.. I say that I don't think that you'd do it but I didn't even think you'd say it.. It makes me wonder who you are.. 
I get the reply I've been waiting for and all it says is I'm fine.I'm calm now.I'm sorry if I scared you.. Stick a knife in me cause I think we might be done.. Just don't put it in you..


The author's comments:
My boyfriend always told me he was glad he was dating me and I am the only reason he loves waking up in the morning.. One night he got in a fight with his parents and told me "I can't talk.I need to think. All I want to do right now is kill myself" and wouldn't say anything else.

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