Sleepless Nights

June 2, 2011
Sleepless nights just stuck inside my own thoughts
The endless torture of unanswerable questions
Not even the fingers inside my ears can block out the voices
The ones that teeth gnaw at the inside of my brain
Just nit picking. Just agitating annoyingly asking questions
Not even closing my eyes for a second could erase the covered up pain
So it festers. Boils up. But unable to spill out so it simmers. Slowly
At the bottom of my soul just waiting for that heighten moment then it erupts
And my eyes stay wide open afraid to blink. Too scared to see what lies in the darkness
So they stare. And I force on that smile that everyone loves o so much and I laugh
Laugh so hard that I forget my eyes have been staring and they water
And I laugh through my tears of erupted pain until the smile disappears
And I wrap the moment in never speak of it again wrapping paper, put it in the it never happened box strap on some shut up chains and throw it in the I don’t know what you’re talking about ocean
Then I turn to the world and embrace it with open arms
Running away when someone uncovers secrets
B******* a fit when someone figures me out
So I go back to that little girl who played dress up and I pretend
Pretend until even I forget the truth and the second pain volcano
That’s boiling to erupt
So I hide behind the smile never letting anyone pull me away from that comfort zone
Throw on some music to drown out the questions
Breathe heavily so I can’t hear my own agony
I sleep with the light on so I can find my way back from hell
Then I wake thinking of the perfect act I could perform for the day
I laugh at things that don’t make sense then crowd myself around people who barely know me
I bury deep thoughts in a leave me alone grave and joke with the invisible
I make myself sound important to people who could careless
Afraid someone will see the hallow please don’t leave me void
I tuck my days under rugs take off my disguise so I can face the dark
And I get comfortable in my head for another sleepless night





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