Trapped Inisde This Pen

May 10, 2011

layers of my life
stripped away
chunks of me gone
within the day
too fast to count
wishing they'd stay

forced to be more than
I feel capable of
torn apart
trampled by "love"
cramped inside
an ever smaller square
squished by others
without a care

forced to change who I am

to please "you"
if only I knew who
or why
I'm forced to grow up
wishing for childhood
I cry

missed out on so much
loosing that warm touch
with reality
and people who care
now them I scare

I'm ever changing
stretching to fit gaps
I'm forever finding
until I collapse

situations unheard of
trust me I've been there and back
no room for my adultly childish mind
to slack

working so hard to get by today
never knowing the appropriate thing to say

reliving memories I regret
hoping for a day
where all this I can forget
too high of standards
killing me to be met

my soul is forever in debt
to the trapped child inside
how can I guide
when there are morals I didn't abide by
wishing I had someone to whom I could confide
waiting for everyone to see how hard I've tried

everything I had to miss
pondering, was my life meant to be this

if only I knew
how to rewind
unlock my inner child
that's been confined
force back the hands of time
this much suffering has to be a crime

I'll never know why
I was forced to grow up
reluctant for my close up
afraid to mess up

I know some duties I didn't fulfill
but not for lack of good will
for lack of age, experience, and time
my bodies so warn
way past my prime

so many lost chances
and failed romances
leaves me as this damaged mess
dealing with years of stress
failing to make progress

waiting for a day to come
when all this hardship is undone
and I can happily live again

but until then
I'm trapped inside this pen

forever changing
forever growing
forever missing
forever knowing.

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