I was only a decade

January 24, 2008
By Veronica Bennett, Baltimore, MD

I was only a decade
Minus eight
When it all happened.
Started off being unplanned.
Eight twenty-three 1992 is the day and year
That I breathed my first breath.
Wouldn’t be surprised if it were my last.
Devil took care of me but didn’t care for me.
I was just another living creature in her life.
Wasn’t worth a penny in her eyes.
She had a boy and a girl before she had me.
Were they unplanned or was it only me?
That question, along with all my other
Questions, remain hidden in the midst of the truth
The real truth.
The little boy was only eight.
The way I see it, murder.
My blood running through his veins flow no more.
The man that I wanted to love,
The man that I wanted to scare the monsters away,
The man that I wanted to tell me to stay away from boys,
The man that I wanted to walk me down the aisle,
That man…..that man is gone.
His face, not forgotten, but erased.
Where he is, is a question that I still wonder.
The woman that held me in her womb is gone too
But not the gone like the man that’s gone.
She’s here, but not here.
Addicted to that substance that will ruin your life.
And it did.
Life now should be full of regret
Psht! if that was me.
Even though we share the same title,
I will never be like her and she can never be me.
She didn’t want me or my sister.
Devil’s mom didn’t want us either.
What did we do?
All we wanted was to feel what we thought was love
From the devil.
My little life turned upside down to right side up.
Somewhere appeared an angel.
Mama came to the rescue.
Gave me everything plus more.
The angel was beautiful, radiant, and the wings were
Overflowing with greatness.
Where was she the first two years full of hell?
The devil escaped and so did we.
She escaped and the took the road down
While we took the road up.
I have recovered, but without much understanding.
I hear the devil is still recovering.
She brought another life into the world or maybe more.
Am I forgotten? Does she still care? Did she ever?
I’m sorry. It wasn’t my fault. It won’t happen again.
I was only a decade
Minus eight.
I’m right. It won’t happen again
Because you are no longer a chapter in my book,
Just the prologue of better things to come in my book
Entitled life.
They did come and I still have them.
Unlike you, I cherish every moment, no matter what I’m going through.
Did the devil appreciate life and the people in it?
I don’t know.
Maybe she did, but didn’t understand the value of life.
Threw hers away like an angry man would throw his losing lottery ticket away.
I forgive you.
I still want to know why.
Why do I have to tell my kids about you if you aren’t a part of my life?
Did you ever exist?
You were a part of my life but at the same time
You weren’t.
I found the man that I want to love,
The man that I want to scare the monsters away,
The man that I want to tell me to stay away from boys, and
The man that I want to walk me down the aisle.
I found my father.
Realized that family is not all about blood,
But relationship.

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