Faded Vibrancy

Whoah, when did everything change?
It’s like I closed my eyes
and when I opened them everything was rearranged.
I’m feeling strange
and distant
and a little afraid,
I wish everything would have stayed,
exactly where it was,
that was exactly how I liked it;
and now because of this I’ll end up crying all tonight.
What happened,
and why wasn’t I aware?
I could be so much better if I had just been there.
My breaths are fast and shallow,
they don’t seem to last,
my heart is pumping and I’m surprised I’m still in tact.
This is it the second time I’ve been ambushed with this attack –
the first time was bad enough
why did it have to come back?
What’s wrong with me?
Why does this keep happening?
I’m trying to do everything right,
but I guess my best is not enough.
Writing is all I’ve got
to convey to others who I am
because sometimes when I look in the mirror,
I don’t understand who’s starting back;
she’s everything I want
and everything I lack.
And sometimes I don’t even recognize
her dull blue eyes
where did their vibrancy go?
It must have faded slow,
because I had no idea.
I reach out and touch her skin
but feel nothing on my own.
Is this what it’s like to feel alone?





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