Valentine's Day Rant

January 10, 2008
Riddle me this: What day of the year is the most loved yet the most hated
The day most anticipated and the day most dreaded?
The day that hyperactive, hormonal teenage girls
Run around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Squealing in delight about how she received a gift from him and he got a gift from her.
Every day I enter a public building that day of a given year
I swear that nearly half of my ear cells are damaged.
(It’s a good thing that ear cells regenerate...or do they?)

I mean, why do people run around giving each other meaningless gifts?
Like chocolates or flowers?
First of all, chocolate, which is completely unhealthy, can make people fat.
So then, are you an advocate of obesity?
Obesity is one of the leading causes of preventable death.
And yet you support it by giving your boyfriend/girlfriend a box of chocolates?
I am so ashamed of the world.
And second, flowers.
Many people are allergic to flowers
By giving your lover flowers, you are ignoring the pain of those with allergies!
In fact...dare I say discriminate against those who have allergies!
You believe, most naively may I say, that the world is a perfectly healthy place
And then you decide to spread allergies and woe by buying and giving flowers!?!?
You should be locked up for your impudence.

And also!
Valentine’s Day is a humiliating and unnecessary reminder
To those who are single, divorced, or for some reason don’t have a partner
Suggesting that those who have a partner will be in blissful happiness
And those without will feel uncomfortable and won’t be able to wait until the day is done.
Are you suggesting that it is better to be together with some guy than single?
Are you prejudiced?
No...I cannot blame just you.
In fact, it is the media’s fault, for despicably advertising this pathetic excuse of a day.
But really, the basic root of the Valentine’s Day Crisis
(For it is a crisis you know.)
Valentine’s Day is a part of government conspiracy to entice people to reproduce
And thereby receive more money since more offspring will be created.
Eventually these offsprings’ minds will be twisted in a supposed institution of learning.
And then countries will fight each other with their offspring government clones
Until eventually the world is blown up.
Okay...this may not be realistic.
But I still hate Valentine’s Day.

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