In My Life

January 18, 2008
In my life I hear nothing.
In my life exists an endless hole of silence that constantly surrounds me.
Yes, I see, I see as much as I can, I see everything but it never fills the constant hole of silence.
Sometimes this hole of mine drives me to the edge, sometimes it makes me happy by blocking out the things others say. But then it makes me wonder……

It makes me wonder what it’s like outside this hole this fruitless hole that’s slowly ruining my life almost tipping my sanity over the edge……

It makes me wonder what the simple things in life sound like, even just the rush of water or a ripple in the grass or even a simple song……

It makes me wonder what the laughter of a child or the soft whisper from another sounds like. Does it fill your heart with joy.......?

It makes me wonder what you say when my back is turned, do you like me? Do you pity this hole I must carry? Or do you just laugh…..

Can I ever hear the wind whistling outside as I look out my window at night? No.

Can I ever hear what the piano sounds like when I run my fingers across it? No.

Can I ever hear the soft sound of a heart beat? No.

Can I ever hear the words “I love you”? No.

This hole is not a protector or a gift; it is a curse, an imprisonment for a crime I never committed. I can only see the things around me but hear them? Never. I throw a glass cup at the wall; it shatters into a million pieces…. Nothing. I scream in frustration as loud as I can until my throat goes dry…. Nothing. I wish it would change, I wish it could change, but it will never change.

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