Too Anxious To Please

March 14, 2011
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The book said I'm anxious to please, far too
Nice for my own good to mask anxiousness
It says this disrupts all of my feelings
Leaving me unable to deal rightly
With all of my anger, all my sadness,
And all of the wants that I truly want
Because I bury them and smother them
To make the people in my life happy
To make sure that they acknowledge me,
To make them shower me with affection
Just to make sure that they think rightly of me
While I fill with resentment and anger
"How great is he?" "Oh he's awesome, so great
So kind, so thoughtful". so freaking nice, it
Hurts me. I starve when I lack affection
I die when people don't reciprocate
All the kindness I shower upon them
I do this because I supposedly
Fear abandonment or the rejection
I exist solely on the basis of
People's thoughts and feelings about me
Their affection, their attention, their time
I'm unable to validate myself
The saddest thing is the book is quite right
I am just like this, too anxious to please
And now that I look at it, I hate it
It is wrong that I do this all the time
So now I am going to change this for
Not my mother, not my friends, not even
her, but for myself and for me, for I
I'll worry about the other people
Once I've figured out how to transform me
Into a person who is nice and kind
But definitely not anxious to please

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