I don’t know what I’m doing

January 17, 2008
By Tailisha Miller, Portland, OR

I don’t know what I’m doing
Wasting my time trying not to feel
When all it does is make me hurt more
I try to be that girl who shuts her eyes on the world
Smokes pot so she doesn’t have to feel the sting
But no matter how many pills I take
My reflection cries silent in pain
I’m not numb
And I’m definitely not ok
But I’m trying
Each step I take I feel that I am dying
But though my eyes strain to watch the pattern of my laces I’m still walking
And you don’t know what its like to be in my shoes
To have a constant cloud over your head reminding you, you’re never going to be ok
So don’t tell me it’s ok because its not and you have no idea
You can taunt and laugh but you’ll never understand
While I’m counting cracks in the sidewalk,
I’m doing the best that I can.

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