I was overcome with sadness
My life wasn’t what I wanted.
People I had once lover
Had come and gone
Before I could even capture the moment.

I can clearly remember the day
I found out about my existence;
A painting of a meadow,
My mother’s bright blue
Tear filled eyes,
The intense silence
At the mention of rape.

I can still see myself lying
In bed awake;
Trying to push away
All of the negative thoughts.

Darkness and fear
Controlling my every move.
I get out of bed
And walk to the bathroom;
Cold tiles prick my feet
As I open the cabinet door.

Pills of different colors
Land on the counter top;
Red, blue, and white
It’s hard to decide
Which ones to use.
I grabbed a handful;
I didn’t care anymore.
Pill by pill, all of my problems
Seem like they don’t even exist.

Minutes pass by slowly.
I look at my face in the mirror;
Every visible flaw

Under a personal microscope.
My hair a tangled mess;
As though it’s been blown in a blizzard.
My skin, pale.
My eyes red, red and inflamed
From crying.

My vision blurs
And I feel like I’m spinning
Around and around
Not able to stop.

I’m walking,
But I’m not sure where.

I feel softness;
My bed.
My eyes close.
I just want it all to end;
I just want my life to be over.