alone at home

January 15, 2008
alone at home
isolated from the rest of the human race
slouched on a chair
distraught I stared into empty space
quietly pondering to my self
all hell was lose in my head
so many thoughts of disbelief
that my wife and child were dead
just this morning
we all were at the table eating breakfast
and now they’re gone
all because of a juvenile driving reckless
the pain of a lifetime
ive felt all in this one day
i poured a drink
hoping to drown out all my sorrows away
hoping to lessen this agony
this hurtful thought
this thought of having to go on with my life
without my loved ones lost
i drank glass after glass
attempting to suppress this pain I felt
crying I yelled
while I fell to my knees and knelt
asking God
“why couldn’t you take me instead of them?!”
“my wife was a good person!”
“and my son…..he was only ten!”
“what have I done?”
“what did I do to deserve all this?”
no man alive
deserves to live a life in loneliness
and more I drank
as I knelt on my bedroom floor
the more I began to think
“what else do I have to live for?”
the reason I lived
what sustained the beating of my drum
where the two loves of my life
my wonderful wife and darling son
“this pain….this pain!”
“ is too much for anyone person to handle”
Inside im dying Im melting
like wax on a burning candle
“I cant take it!”
I grab my nine and put to my head
I know this pain will finally cease
Once im gone and dead
Coldness of the metal on the bevel
Pushing against my temple
I take one last drink…close my eyes
And pull the trigger gentle

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