Life through my eyes

January 13, 2008
It’s coming out, finally
I’ve seen it before, I keep thinking, different thoughts
Different things about my friends, family, and people I know and meet
I wonder about the things life has done and given me
Maybe if I cut deeper it’ll all end, all the sorrow, pain, guilty, and loneness
It’ll all flow out onto the floor, dry up and be forgotten, or maybe it shall leave me with nothing to look upon throughout the rest of my life
I think are they truly my friends? Or do they talk and act like them, just because they pity me?
Are they who they say they are? Are they truly people I should care for?
Maybe if I die they’ll never know, only they say they would.
Is the world truly like it is? Or is it the same just like in grade school?
No friends, ok grades, being bullied, wanting to cry everyday after school?
Having girls hate you because you’re different…. It hurts a lot
Teacher don’t help, all they do is say ‘Leave her alone” and go back to their own business.. They never cared about me…. They care about the money and just getting through life
My family never cared, always naming the bad things about me, never the good things
Why am I so different?! Why is it bad to be? Why doesn’t anyone care?
I’m crying and laughing at how innocent I was and still am. I just keep thinking about me
All the things I’ve done and things I should’ve done… Maybe if I killed myself it would’ve been better, I could be resting without nightmares every night and day.
I would have been safe, protected, loved… Or would I have been rejected even there?
Would I have never found love? Maybe bleeding is the only thing I can do right, I can bleed until the sun goes down
I love the smell, taste, and the look
The smell of iron burning my throat, the taste of wine with bitter spices, and it looks like my heart melting away
No love to keep it beating, no friendship to hold it together, nothing to keep it happy
They all see me as someone who is small, insignificant, worthless..
I could show them my true form, but it would only push me down back to me level or sorrow once more
Only to be still within myself, to go through life the same as it is, dying each day, never living
Always looking down instead of up. I smile at the thought of dying, dying without a regret. No one will miss me, not a single soul
And that’s ok, because I wouldn’t miss them. People who give pity to others, will never receive any back
I feel that way, I give no emotions to them, none at all.
All they care about is being popular, rich, pretty, smart…
No one cares about being themselves..
If I sign a song, will they hear it? Who knows..
If I die without lie, will they care? Can I live or should go? Can I see or am I blind
Do they care or do they spit at my lifeless face? Who cares about them or me, we’re all different in a way. But life is still the same for me

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