Just Me, Just Her

January 10, 2008
By Joe Riley, Santa Barbara, CA

The searing pain of realization is as swift and sharp as the wind. The curtains are pulled back to reveal the world for what it truly is. A disgusting pit of conceit and vanity. This is all her fault. THIS IS ALL HER F***ING FAULT! She sullied my name, reputation and pride. For what? For a f***ing kiss. I don’t know if it’s true or not, but I assume the worst. That’s my half-Jewish side, pessimistic. Why did he have to tell me, it was so perfect.

I call her I say, I need to talk. There is more urgency in my voice than I would have liked, and it creates a sudden panic in her. She asks, desperately “What is it?” I reply, my voice broken, “Just come.”
These are the longest 15 minutes of my life. My brain is wrestling in a free for all of frenzied thoughts and forsaken memories. Every bad has a good, every good has a better, and every better has a bitter.
She walks into my room unannounced but expected all the same. We hug limply, she weary, and I stiff. We break, our eyes meet. In this chaos of frenzy, suddenly everything goes blank. Nothing matters, just me, just her. Everything’s okay. My eyes drift past her towards the window. The pain, anger, and jealousy return as quickly as they left. I hate her! How could she do this? Doesn’t she care?! Her fear grows, I can feel it. Her anxious tension rising to the surface of her skin. Her voice breaks the silence after what feels like a 100 years of aimless wandering throughout the fields of my mind. She whispers defeated and vulnerable, “Is everything okay?”
Here it comes. I’m going to confront her, crush her, she doesn’t stand a chance. I look into her eyes so she can feel my pain. I’m going to destroy her, but when our eyes meet the pain is gone. It leaves me with the sight of those dark chocolate pools, gazing at me. The twinkle of feeling dances perfectly in her eyes. The anger, jealousy, and pain are alleviated, and nothing matters. Just me. Just her. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into my arms. She asks in an almost pleating whisper, “Is everything okay?” I reply, “It is now.”
After all, it was only a kiss, and nothing matters, just me, just her.

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