No Hun.

January 9, 2008
By Natasha LeValley, Blackwell, OK

"No Hun.
You didn't screw up.
I still love you.
All your imperfections...
Are what make you perfect to me."

He used to say that.
I believed it.
I still would.
If I had the chance...

"Just let it go.
He's obviously over you.
Get over him!
If he can do it, you can too."

But you don't understand.
I'm not like him.
I'm nothing like him, in fact.
I'm not that strong.

I can't act like everything's okay.
Especially when it comes to him.
I don't just ignore those I care about.
I can't, don't ask me.

And I should have learned
From the past few years
That when he's interested in someone else...
I need to walk away.

But I just stand by, nearby,
And I watch.
And I want to scream at the world,

And I know I can't.
Because so many would start in
Of how that was me.
And I screwed it up.

I am happy now.
I love him, very much.
But it's not easy to just walk away...
From one you've known for so long.

And still, I learn things
I never knew.
Things he never told me.
Why do I still love him?

Because of the hold he has on me.
And he doesn't even have to try.
He just has to say those words.
Those few, sweet lies, that I fall for.

"No hun.
You didn't screw up.
I still love you.
All your imperfections
Are what make you perfect to me."

Obviously since you love me so much.
Since you don't let the fact that we fell apart
Come between the fact that we've been friends for years.

Yes hun, it's been years.
Two or three, in fact.
And I can't hear your name,
Without thinking of you.

Sometimes, it's good.
So sweet.
Times you made me feel invincible.
Times you made me feel so loved.

And other times, it's not.
It's times I feel betrayed, let down.
Times I felt hurt and guilty.
Times I hate so much.

And I just want to scream at you,
Until you understand,
Until you finally see that I'm

I've always been here.
And you can say I pushed you away.
Go ahead, but that doesn't mean it's true.
Because you, and I, and everyone else know...

I. Have. Always. Loved. You.

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