All my life i've been scared of being alone.

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All my life i've been scared of being alone.
so insecure...and so broken from the past...
i've kind of depended on someone to pick up my pieces.
being the little girl that i was i didn't know how to pick up myself...
all i could do was cry in my mother's arms and wonder why guys were always hurting us..
leaving us...and breaking both of us in two. i've never had a father role model,
never been able to trust them or be able to understand the true concept of love.
because i've never seen it happen to my mother...something always goes wrong.
maybe that's why i'm a pessimist...i always look to the down things in life...always
thinking that the worst will happen..no matter what.
i fall easy and it's usually for the wrong ones.
my hearts been torn and it's because of my stupidity.
not getting the picture..
reading people but missing the important pages.

i'm falling again,
and i know it could end up wrong.
i could end up worse.
but my heart refuses to listen.
it's as though it wants to get hurt, over and over again.
suffering seems to be all it knows.
being okay and whole doesn't seem normal to my heart,
so when it does happen to the few right guys i have found..
i ruin it...so scared of what could happen.
i want a happy ending... for a young girl i've wanted love more than anyone.
wanted someone i could call my own..and know they felt just as strongly as i did.

i think i have fallen hard again,
and i'm unsure of whether or not i have hit the ground...
so scared of opening my eyes i keep them sewn shut.
i can't even look a guy in the eyes...
it's almost as though if i do it's like im giving up everything inside of me...
and i'm scared of losing it all.
and it looks like my fear has come true.
i do not have much left.
my heart is far from whole,
and i am far from being okay.
but i try my hardest, with this slow beating heart of mine.

i have fallen again...
and he said the three words my heart loves to hear.
i just hope they were true to his heart...
because i know they were true to mine.

I'm falling in love.
i'm scared of being broken.
i'd give up anything to just have him 100% in love with me as i am with him.


so tell me baby...
do i still take your breath away





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Sherry said...
Jan. 29, 2009 at 6:36 pm
Let me tell i've a life so much like this and can relate so much but it does get better. It's all what you make of it. This as just touch my heart.
 
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